I’m so tired of horror movies making me adjust the brightness of my tv by like 300% like why not just make it a radio drama if you don’t want people to see what’s going on
Author: toppysammy
republicans really think that bc nazism was originally called “national socialism” that nazism is a far left idea when in fact, whether hitler hated capitalism (he hated communism too lol) or not he was not even close to a “socialist”… he was a fucking fascist and fascism is as far right as you can go lmao. totalitarianism and nazism and fascism are far-right concepts and he only opposed capitalism because he was a raging violent anti-semite who believed jewish ppl controlled capital
Whenever
I see people quoting/referencing/parodying My
Immortal it’s always one of the same four or five lines. You know the ones.The
iconic opening paragraph, “Hi my name is
Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair… (et
cetera).”“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS
STUDENT… BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”“Then he put his thingie
into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.”“And Loopin was
masticating to it!”As
great as those are, I’d like to throw a spotlight on what I think are some
of the underappreciated parts of this classic work of fanfiction.
- Ebony puts blood on her Count Chocula cereal instead of milk.
- Enoby is canonically a weeaboo and speaks to her friends in Fangirl Japanese.
- Harry’s scar is now a pentagram instead of a lightning bolt, so either he found
some sort of spell to alter the appearance of the scar or he actually took the time to carve a
pentagram into his forehead.- There is an OC named either Tom Riddle or Tom Rid who works at a “punkgoff” store
in Hogsmeade and has absolutely nothing to do with Voldemort, he just happens
to have the exact same name.- Tara somehow got Fred and George mixed up with Crabbe and Goyle.
- The reason Snape doesn’t like Harry in this fic is because Snape is Christian
and Harry is a Satanist.- Marty McFly literally appears out of nowhere to help Enoby travel through “tim”
with his “tim machine.”- Chapter 11 ends with Hagrid singing along to “a gothic version of a song by 50
Cent.”- Voldemort inexplicably speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe.
- Voldemort wears high heels.
- Draco has a flying black Mercedes-Benz and a black MCR broom.
- Snape has a Dork Mark on his penis.
- Speaking of penises, Draco is apparently “hung like a stallone.” I guess Tara
is a Rambo fan?- The Hedwig/Voldemort sex scene, wherein Hedwig is a male human instead of a
female owl, for some reason.- Dumbledore flies around on his broomstick while holding a loaf of rye bread. At
least, that’s what I think Tara meant by “Sudenly
a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong
black bread.”- Oh yeah, and Dumbledore is an Avril Lavigne fanboy, because of course he is.
- James Potter’s “goff” nickname is Samoro, because Tara erroneously believes
this to be the masculine form of the name Samara.- Draco’s singing voice is described as “a
cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson.”- Tara’s brief feud with her editor Raven, as chronicled in the author’s notes, may or may not have had something to do with Raven borrowing Tara’s sweater
and not giving it back. IDK, it’s unclear.- Voldemort smokes a “gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar.”
- McGonagall has the best insults, like “horny simpletons” and “mediocre dunces” and probably some others I’m forgetting.
- Dobby only appears once in the entire fic and literally all he does is watch
Snape and Lupin have sex, and then run away crying.- Sirius is referred to as Harry’s dogfather, and not gonna lie, even if it was a typo I
think that is a genuinely clever pun.- The Hogwarts janitor may or may not be Chuck Norris.
- Tara accurately predicted how Harry would defeat Voldemort in Deathly Hallows. No, really. “nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so
voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111”- This line: “Snap stated loafing
meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly.”- And this one: “‘Crosio!’ I shited pointing my wound.
Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming.”- “Azerbaijan”
- “Hoes of Wax”
- “Tom Bombodil”
- “Cornelio Fuck”
- “Professor Slutborn”
- “Preacher McGongol”
- “Lumpkin”
- “TaEbory”
- “The Bark Lord”
- “Vadermort”
This is truly the classic of our generation. I want students to explicate this for AP tests.
Conspiracy hat time: what if JK Rowling wrote My Immortal?
Do not leave Pence out of the Anti-Trump narrative
I try not to get political on my art blog, but I am gonna share this sentiment from my twitter.
It’s nice to hear “Fuck Trump” but piling all hate on him is misguided, Trump is not the only person who should be factored into protests, impeachment and human rights lawsuits: his team DEFENDED him and ENABLED him.
There are a lot of people who either played down, ignored or supported his conduct
Fact is, if Trumps impeached, all the people who helped his campaign will flip and agree and chastise him, cuz it’ll make them look noble, which they would LOVE, they get to sweep house and senate, have Pence be president, and pretend they’re on our side. “We hate Trump too, friends! We agree, he’s a bad man, let us fix his mess for you.”
Think about it, anyone on his team right now looks really good by comparison to him. People who’re just as bigoted and heartless.
Do not forget that Vice President Pence is poised and ready to help anti-women and anti-LGBT legislation roll out and take away 50~ years of human rights progress. [source] And he just sat back and watched Trump be Trump, cuz all he cares about is getting his foot in the door – and we all just held it open for him and welcomed him inside. Slam it on his stupid foot, friends. Fact is, Pence is a hateful bigot, but he looks really good superficially next to Trump.
If we’re gonna support lawsuits for human rights violations, impeachments, etc, we can’t fixate on Trump alone. A lot of people made Trump happen via complacency and lies, with smiles on their faces.
Not My President… Not My Vice President.
Note: I genuinely don’t have time for debates or arguments on Tumblr even on my good days, so sorry if you wanted to engage me about this, even if you agree with me. I’m not ignoring people (unless, you know, insults), I just can’t give this more time. I have to get back to work and stuff.
Rough night? Here’s a GIF of Charlie Brown coming across Snoopy for the first time
What if by alien standards we are really cute?
And I don’t mean like attractive cute, I mean like baby otter cute. What if the stumble upon us and go “ohhhhh my god!!! Oh my god!!!! I’m dying this is- look at it! Look at them!!! Oh my god!!!”
We usually imagine having to come up with some Devils trade or unholy arrangement to get tech and trade with aliens, but the instant they see us the aliens immediately set out into conservation efforts. They’re like “their habitat is becoming harsh and unlivable for them! We have to save them!” And everyone just puts a picture of us next to this information and they all agree “Look at them! We have to save them!!” We become like the panda mascots of intergalactic conservation efforts.
Simultaneously, our main export is just streams, videos, holograms, and photos of us. Aliens lose their composure completely over videos of us sneezing or yawning or eating pop tarts or playing video games or taking care of our kids.
There are lines of aliens who would LOVE to have a human in their home or on their ship. It’s a little condescending (we’re not sure if we’re guests or well treated exotic pets) but still a good opportunity, and any human who wants can go to space at any time basically for free or even for profit, and the aliens will go out of their way to give you anything you ask for.
There are obvious downsides. We struggle to be taken seriously. While it’s usually shut down pretty quickly, every once in a while some alien group sees the demand for us and tries to start an illegal trade. But at the same time, it’s neat that somewhere out there is an alien (or usually a LOT of aliens) that would love you unconditionally, find every flaw and idiosyncrasy endearing, be worried about you and do anything they could to make you safe and happy. They work hard to make our planet and our personal lives better and don’t ask for anything in return. They just do it because they decided we are important and worth saving just for existing. It’s an odd relationship, and we’re not always sure what to make of it, but honestly it goes a lot better than we worried alien contact would.
I’m down to be a spoiled pampered alien pet.
“If autism isn’t caused by environmental factors and is natural why didn’t we ever see it in the past?”
We did, except it wasn’t called autism it was called “Little Jonathan is a r*tarded halfwit who bangs his head on things and can’t speak so we’re taking him into the middle of the cold dark forest and leaving him there to die.”
Or “little Jonathan doesn’t talk but does a good job herding the sheep, contributes to the community in his own way, and is, all around, a decent guy.” That happened a lot, too, especially before the 19th century.
Or, backing up FURTHER
and lots of people think this very likely,
“Oh little Sionnat has obviously been taken by the fairies and they’ve left us a Changeling Child who knows too much, and asks strange questions, and uses words she shouldn’t know, and watches everything with her big dark eyes, clearly a Fairy Child and not a Human Like Us.”
The Myth of the Changeling child, a human baby apparently replaced at a young age by a toddler who “suddenly” acts “strange and fey” is an almost textbook depiction of autistic children.
To this day, “autism warrior mommies” talk about autism “stealing” their “sweet normal child” and have this idea of “getting their real baby back” which (in the face of modern science) indicates how the human psyche actually does deal with finding out their kid acts unlike what they expected.
Given this evidence, and how common we now know autism actually is, the Changeling myth is almost definitely the result of people’s confusion at the development of autistic children.
Weirdly enough, that legend is now comforting to me.
Yeah. The autism epidemic is a myth.
The only geographical pattern for autism is that it clusters in wealthy areas with highly educated parents – who are more likely to hire a good pediatrician, so they’re not clusters of autism, they’re clusters of autism diagnosis.
The term “autism” was not actually coined until 1911, and then it was used in Switzerland to talk about a subset of schizophrenics. It wasn’t used in its current sense until the 1940s, and until the 1960s it was still thought autism and schizophrenia were connected.
So, obviously, there’s no chance of people who lived before that being diagnosed. Analysis of people’s lives has sometimes indicated the possibility – it’s pretty commonly believed that Einstein was on the spectrum from the way he dealt with/didn’t deal with other people.
Now, here’s a big part of it.
The two major researchers who established autism were Hans Asperger in Germany and Leo Kanner in the United States.
Asperger’s view of autism was much like how we see it now – a spectrum, with some people only showing a few traits and some showing more of them.
Kanner thought it was a rare condition AND he thought it was caused by bad parenting. And THAT is the view of autism and autistics and parents of autistics that dominated in the US for a long term. He framed it as psychosis, favored institutionalization (because they needed to be rescued from the bad parents who caused it). And because he said it was a rare and severe psychosis only the most severe cases were counted.
What’s actually happening now is that people are acknowledging that Asperger was right and Kanner was wrong and counting the people Asperger would have counted all along.
Hence, sudden autism epidemic.
That doesn’t exist.
Common Occupations in the Middle Ages
- Almoners: ensured the poor received alms.
- Atilliator: skilled castle worker who made crossbows.
- Baliff: in charge of allotting jobs to the peasants, building repair, and repair of tools used by the peasants.
- Barber: someone who cut hair. Also served as dentists, surgeons and blood-letters.
- Blacksmith: forged and sharpened tools and weapons, beat
out dents in armor, made hinges for doors, and window grills. Also
referred to as Smiths.- Bottler: in charge of the buttery or bottlery.
- Butler: cared for the cellar and was in charge of large
butts and little butts (bottles) of wine and beer. Under him a staff of
people might consist of brewers, tapsters, cellarers, dispensers,
cupbearers and dapifer.- Carder: someone who brushed cloth during its manufacture.
- Carpenter: built flooring, roofing, siege engines, furniture, panelling for rooms, and scaffoling for building.
- Carters: workmen who brought wood and stone to the site of a castle under construction.
- Castellan: resident owner or person in charge of a castle (custodian).
- Chamberlain: responsible for the great chamber and for the personal finances of the castellan.
- Chaplain: provided spirtual welfare for laborers and the
castle garrison. The duties might also include supervising building
operations, clerk, and keeping accounts. He also tended to the chapel.- Clerk: a person who checked material costs, wages, and kept accounts.
- Constable: a person who took care (the governor or
warden) of a castle in the absence of the owner. This was sometimes
bestowed upon a great baron as an honor and some royal castles had
hereditary constables.- Cook: roasted, broiled, and baked food in the fireplaces and ovens.
- Cottars: the lowest of the peasantry. Worked as swine-herds, prison guards, and did odd jobs.
- Ditcher: worker who dug moats, vaults, foundations and mines.
- Dyer: someone who dyed cloth in huge heated vats during its manufacture.
- Ewerer: worker who brought and heated water for the nobles.
- Falconer: highly skilled expert responsible for the care and training of hawks for the sport of falconry.
- Fuller: worker who shrinks & thickens cloth fibers through wetting & beating the material.
- Glaziers: a person who cut and shaped glass.
- Gong Farmer: a latrine pit emptier.
- Hayward: someone who tended the hedges.
- Herald: knights assistant and an expert advisor on heraldry.
- Keeper of the Wardrobe: in charge of the tailors and laundress.
- Knight: a professional soldier. This was achieved only after long and arduous training which began in infancy.
- Laird: minor baron or small landlord.
- Marshal: officer in charge of a household’s horses,
carts, wagons, and containers. His staff included farriers, grooms,
carters, smiths and clerks. He also oversaw the transporting of goods.- Master Mason: responsible for the designing and overseeing the building of a structure.
- Messengers: servants of the lord who carried receipts, letters, and commodities.
- Miner: skilled professional who dug tunnels for the purpose of undermining a castle.
- Minstrels: part of of the castle staff who provided entertainment in the form of singing and playing musical instruments.
- Porter: took care of the doors (janitor), particularly
the main entrance. Responsible for the guardrooms. The person also
insured that no one entered or left the castle withour permission. Also
known as the door-ward.- Reeve: supervised the work on lord’s property. He
checked that everyone began and stopped work on time, and insured
nothing was stolen. Senior officer of a borough.- Sapper: an unskilled person who dug a mine or approach tunnel.
- Scullions: responsible for washing and cleaning in the kitchen.
- Shearmen: a person who trimmed the cloth during its manufacture.
- Shoemaker: a craftsman who made shoes. Known also as Cordwainers.
- Spinster: a name given to a woman who earned her living
spinning yarn. Later this was expanded and any unmarried woman was
called a spinster.- Steward: took care of the estate and domestic
administration. Supervised the household and events in the great hall.
Also referred to as a Seneschal.- Squire: attained at the age of 14 while training as a
knight. He would be assigned to a knight to carry and care for the
weapons and horse.- Watchmen: an official at the castle responsible for security. Assited by lookouts (the garrison).
- Weaver: someone who cleaned and compacted cloth, in association with the Walker and Fuller.
- Woodworkers: tradesmen called Board-hewers who worked in the forest, producing joists and beams.
Other medieval jobs included:
tanners, soap makers, cask makers, cloth makers, candle makers
(chandlers), gold and silver smiths, laundresses, bakers, grooms, pages,
huntsmen, doctors, painters, plasterers, and painters, potters, brick
and tile makers, glass makers, shipwrights, sailors, butchers,
fishmongers, farmers, herdsmen, millers, the clergy, parish priests,
members of the monastic orders, innkeepers, roadmenders, woodwards (for
the
forests). slingers.Other Domestic jobs inside the castle or manor:
Personal atendants- ladies-in-waiting, chamber maids, doctor.
The myriad of people involved in the preparation and serving
of meals- brewers, poulterer, fruiterers, slaughterers, dispensers, cooks and the cupbearers.READ MORE
( Oh this is a great chart! )
This is so useful! I’m always racking my brains trying to figure out what sort of job random Elves or Men might’ve had in Beleriand.
Here it is!
Others that randomly occur to me:
- Collier (collects wood in the forest, and tends a huge controlled burn to make charcoal)
- Kennel-master (very Fereldan)
- Cooper (makes barrels and buckets)
Very thorough and even more useful than I’d anticipated.
I like how men tell us that periods are somehow simultaneously “not that bad” and also bad enough that we shouldn’t be allowed to hold positions of power.
This is a very important and powerful text post.
Random Toughts 