amuseoffyre:
Just had a thought for an action hero thing: 30-something woman hero is doing her ass-kicking thing. One day, her boss shows up at her door, and tells her she has to stand down, or there will be consequences. “Honey, it’s not that you’re too old. It’s just the public don’t like to see a woman of your age saving the day. It feels emasculating”.
So woman is stripped of her support team, fellow agents, and is pretty much put on the shelf. She tries to do heroing, but keeps getting cockblocked by younger women or superhero men she used to work alongside.
Just when she’s hitting rock bottom (and sitting in her house wearing pyjamas and eating ice cream), there’s a knock at the door. Judi Dench is standing there, and our heroine assumes it’s a charity collection.
“Oh no, dear,” Dench says, smiling. “We’ve come to recruit you.”
“Recruit me? For what?”
“To do what we do best: save the bloody world.”
And all at once she’s part of a covert ops team made of all the older women who have been retired and who currently are holding the reins of managing the world.
At work, I realised this is the female version of the Expendables. Cast-wise, I see it like this:
- Maggie Smith – former intelligence handler and coordinator. Currently task manager
- Judi Dench – ex-spy and covert ops manager within the new foundation. Also, recruiter.
- Salma Hayek – the South American operative, specialising in undercover work, and being effortless at it. Also one of the smartest of the bunch.
- Jennifer Ehle – communications. She set up the communication system for the old unit, and now has hacked it so they can keep their ears to the ground. Also a mother of four, and manages to coordinate her life neatly around the job
- Helen Mirren – former double agent, specialised in the Cold War detail.
- Gina Torres – Extractions. Also happily married to an agent who has no idea she was once six grades above him.
- Lucy Liu – Q-ish-equivalent now, formerly a expert undercover field operative. Used to work alongside…
- Lucy Lawless – the legendary field operative, the Bond of her class. Everyone knew her name, but she still got the job done. Also is happily settled down with Liu’s character, with a Bond-villain style cat called James, because they’re both snarky assholes. (The cat is also neutered. They make many jokes. Bad ones)
And for the villains, we have the women who went the opposite direction.
- Jane Seymour as the former femme fatale spy, who got so sick of being used for honey trap stings that she went Terminal on them. (it’s funny because she was a Bond girl)
- Gillian Anderson as the brains of the operation.
- Catherine Zeta Jones – weapons specialist. Once in the same team as Torres and Liu, but blamed for a weapons problem that wasn’t her fault and forced out. Went a bit… angry about it. Still occasionally meets up with Liu and Lawless for drinks.
- Celia Imrie – one of Smith and Dench’s first allies, but got frustrated with how they were running things and set up her own operation. Because face it, she would be a marvellous villain.
And our new girl is Mila Kunis, who is being honourably retired from the main unit.
I love this idea, because I love the thought of them having a epic chase with the male lackeys, and Maggie and Judie casually tripping them up, old lady style “oh, I’m sorry dear, I didn’t see you there. Now, don’t run off, you have a mess on your suit…”
If this could happen, I would watch it every day for a week in the cinema…
So how about we also add Stana Katic and Nicole Beharie into this cocktail? Because seriously, ladies, we need you.