So it’s 3AM and It’s just occurred to me that the most telling scene in the entire Harry Potter franchise is the scene following the announcement of the participants of the Triwizard tournament.
When Harry’s name is pulled out of the cup, literally one of the first things he is asked is “did you ask an older boy to put your name in the cup for you?“ or something to that effect, insinuating that, that was something nobody prepared for and that it was something that totally would have worked if anyone had been smart enough to figure it out.
However, in an earlier scene a student is turned into a hundred year old man when they try to artificially age themselves with a potion and put their name into the cup. Meaning someone trying to dangerously age themselves with potion they aren’t familiar with was something the teachers genuinely considered to be more likely than someone asking for fucking help from another student.
In other words, the wizards in Harry Potter’s world are so reliant on magic that it doesn’t occur to anyone save for people like Harry that asking for help is even an option in a given situation. This explains why wizards are so fucking ass-backwards at everything, they’re so confident that their magic is capable of doing everything for them that it has never occurred to fucking anyone that perhaps asking for help from the muggle world might be of some use.
Think about it, the wizarding world hasn’t changed in hundreds of years while in that same space of time the muggle world has figured out fucking space travel. I know it’s a cliché to say to say someone could have fucking shot Voldemort, but seriously, somebody totally fucking could have, he killed like 50 people, he was effectively a terrorist, if anyone in the wizarding world bothered to ask for help from the muggles instead of just telling them there was an invisible asshole flying around shooting death curses at everyone, they may have been able to help.
Pretty much the only reason Voldermort thinks he’s better than muggles is because he’s able to kill them with impunity using magic, something he’s only able to do so easily because muggles don’t understand what magic is. Voldemort is basically like a fucking disease, he’s an invisible, lurking entity preying on mankind from the shadows like a cowardly piece of shit. You know what else did that? Smallpox and we stomped that to death the second we understood it. That’s the difference between muggles and wizards, when muggles don’t understand something, they figure it out.
And here’s the kicker, the only reason muggles don’t understand magic at all is because the wizarding world deliberately withholds information about it. However, even if the wizarding world kept doing that, it’d only be a matter of time until a muggle figured out what magic was and how to stop or harness it because that’s what humanity does, it pushes past what we think is impossible to see what’s on the other side. We didn’t understand the sun as a species originally and now we use it to power satellites and smartphones.
The wizarding world isn’t a realm of infinite possibilities, it’s a universe of strict limitations where boundaries are never questioned. The muggle world is where the real magic happens. That’s why during the course of the Harry Potter books, which are set between 1991 and 1998, the muggle world (our world) discovered dark matter, cloned a sheep and invented fucking MP3s while the wizarding world were literally paying some dipshit to figure out what the purpose of a rubber duck was.
Wow, I really shouldn’t think about this stuff when it’s like 3AM, it gets kind of dark.
Harry Potter being raised right, by Sirius Black who just ‘fuck rules, Moony, I’m not letting my Godson live in hell’ because he managed to transform into his animagi form and escape the scene of the crime before he got caught, and took Harry before Dumbledore said anything. Him technically being an Honorary Potter, still gives Harry the protection from Voldemort, while at 12 Grimmauld Place.
Him carrying a baby Harry, who just started speaking, his first words being, ‘Dada’, which makes him start to cry and ‘no, Harry, he’s not here. It’s only Padfoot and Moony now.’ And Harry giggling, because he’s only an infant, and is innocent like that.
Harry being sent to Neville Longbottom’s grandmother’s place during full moons so Padfoot can take care of Moony.
Harry when he’s 2, and can only call them ‘MoonMoon, and Pa’foo’ and laughing when they play Hide And Seek, and Moony just found Padfoot and Harry sleeping on the couch, Padfoot protectively draping his paw around Harry, in his animagi form, and Harry clutching onto the fur happily as he sleeps.
Moony and Padfoot buying a toy broomstick for Harry when he’s 4, and he learns to fly before he can walk, but, ‘Its only two feet about the ground, Moony, relax.’
Harry finding the portrait of the Black Family tree, and seeing Padfoot blasted off of it. Harry getting angry, and drawing Padfoot back onto the portrait, with ‘Padfoot’, with his crayons, and putting ‘Moony’ next to it, and later covering all the other people in his black coloured crayon. ‘I’m covering them up.’
Moony and Padfoot telling Harry the truth about his parents when he’s 7, because ‘He’s old enough, Padfoot, and he needs to know what really happened. We’d be no better than those Dursleys if we didn’t.’
Harry understanding completely, crying a bit, in the middle of the night, but making sure no one heard him. The next day, Harry asks about his parents, and what they were like.
Harry getting small things that belonged to Lily, that Moony and Padfoot got from the house, and kept for him, including a picture of James and Lily’s first kiss, and many small muggle items she had from when she was small. He also got a sweater that belonged to James, which was from his Quidditch Practicing days.
Moony and Padfoot teaching Harry small jinxes and counter Jinxes when he’s 8, and Harry sneakily using a jinx on Padfoot because it was a prank war, and every prank war means at least one man having pink hair.
Harry when he’s nine, and being prepped on everything to do with Hogwarts, and how to get away from trouble, and which teachers to avoid or go to in the school, if Harry can’t contact Moony or Padfoot.
Harry being 10, and waking up in the middle of the night, to see Moony and Padfoot sleeping together on the couch, Moony putting his head on Padfoot’s lap, while his hand is in Moon’s hair, as he was playing with his hair before he fell asleep. Harry giggling, because ‘Moony and Padfoot are in loveeee~’ yet neither of them deny it.
Harry getting his letter to Hogwarts as soon as he turns 11, and Moony and Padfoot’s throw a small party to celebrate, inviting Neville as well.
The three of them going to Diagon Alley, and many people greeting Harry, and Padfoot boasting about it, while Moony laughs.
Harry getting to meet many kids who might meet him at Hogwarts, including Ddaco Malfoy, and Padfoot growling when he sees Lucius, and says ‘they’re a bad sort, Harry, keep away from them,’ but he didn’t listen, and being the small outgoing kid he was, he went to say ‘Hi! Are you going to Hogwarts too?’ And Draco, actually being surprised and smiling awkwardly because his father was talking to the shopkeeper, at the corner of the room, so he didn’t know what to say, and he nods. Padfoot smiling because Harry looks happy, and Moony thinks that maybe Draco might be different.
Harry promising to send them letters every single day, by owl, while he hugs them goodbye, and runs towards the Hogwarts Express, waving at them until they are no longer visible.
Harry keeping his promise and telling Moony and Padfoot all about Hermione Jean Granger, and Ronald ‘Ron’ Weasley, who are his new best friends, and Draco Malfoy ‘who is an absolute git sometimes, but can actually be a sweetheart.’ and how Hermione and Ron managed to help him battle a troll in the girls bathroom, as well as meet Fluffy, the three headed dog, and how they played a game of wizard chess, and defeated Lord Voldemort, who was stuck on Professor Quirrell’s head, and how, when he saw the Mirror of Erised, he saw Padfoot, Moony, Lily, and James, (Or mum and dad) standing next to him, while they sat in the house. Oh and ‘I’m seeker for the Gryffindors! Just like dad!’
Harry receiving a howler the next day, which was the day before Ron received it, and hearing Moony scream himself raw, ‘YOU WERE TAUGHT BETTER THAN TO FIGHT WITH SEVERUS— “Moony, it’s Snivellus, Harry meant no harm, I’m sure of it.” — AND HAD ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT TO DISOBEY ORDERS. PADFOOT, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY? “I’m proud of you, Harry, keep up the good work. Tell Snivellus that if he irritates you any longer, he’s gonna have to speak to me.” PADFOO-’ And the Howler ends, bursting into flames, while Ron is laughing, and Hermione smiles, while Draco hollers a “congrats Potter!” and I AM SORRY FOR TAKING UP YOUR TIME BUT I VERY WELL NEED THIS IN MY LIFE, AND SO DO YOU.
One of my fav next gen headcanons/plot bunnies is that Draco plays professional quidditch and all the Potter kids are massive fans of his and have huge posters of him in their rooms which only get more and more suggestive the older the kids get and Harry’s eyes linger on them longer and longer every time
Seriously though it would have been so easy to have canon gay characters in the Harry Potter series. All this stuff that JK Rowling said about not having enough time or would distract from the original trio is nonsense. Case in point:
Seamus gave a great roar of delight then ran to give Dean a lung crushing hug before pulling him down into a desperate kiss that was hungrily returned. Harry supposed ‘best friends’ was no longer an accurate description of the pair.
or:
There were duels all over the stairs and in the Hall, Death Eaters everywhere Harry looked. He saw Alicia and Katie share a passionate kiss before they raced down the corridor to join the battle.
or maybe:
“Did I know in my heart of hearts what Gellert Grindelwald was? I think I did, but I closed my eyes. I chose to be blinded by my love for him. A choice that has haunted me ever since”
or perhaps:
As Harry entered the great hall he walked past Lavender and Parvati who were sitting opposite the latter’s twin with their bodies pressed close together while their hands held the others in a death like grip that showed no signs of ever being let go.
or even:
“Albus Severus” Harry said quietly, so that nobody but Ginny could hear him, who tactfully turned to talk to Oliver and Marcus as they waved off their own three boys.
See all I had to do was just add in a sentence or not even that and suddenly ….. wow a gay character. That wasn’t too hard now was it JK.
Random Toughts 